I miss it. I miss my boys’ younger ages.
I miss reading to them for hours after they begged me to sit on the floor with them.
I miss the hours of LEGO building, creating.
I miss sitting at my computer and typing up the details about the fun ways we learned and practiced our letters, we created or the bubbling mess of an experiment we tried that made our kitchen all wet the first time we tried it!
See, the boys have been in school full days for a few years now. When Sweet Pea first entered Kindergarten I realized how much I like to tinker with the back end of this blog. I took the steps to learn more, spending hours behind the computer soaking up all the information I could.
Sometimes I sat there too long but was always careful to do it when the boys were at school, always giving them my attention when they were home. I slowly let posting the fun things take a back seat to my learning, stopped looking for as many fun experiences to enjoy with them.
Over the past two years, my boys have gotten bigger and don’t need me as much. They play on their own, find their own fun and don’t want me to be their playmate as often. This gives me more time to work on websites and learn more skills, but I miss them. I miss the time we spent together. The interaction on that level. (Please don’t read that I don’t spend time with them, we do, just in ways other than playing like we did when they were smaller.)
Oh, I know this isn’t just because I’ve spent time at the computer and grown in my skills. I know as eight- and ten-year-olds they just play differently and aren’t as dependent on me, which is nice and gives Hubby and me more freedom because they are growing into young men.
This “missing” is perhaps a little emptiness, a feeling I suspect many moms experience but don’t have the time to acknowledge because they are so busy with life.
This post is my realizing that it is ok, normal, a process that some don’t realize even happened until their kids leave home and live on their own because life circumstances didn’t allow them to as it was happening.
I’ve taken the time to grow my skills as my kiddos have grown. I’ve tried to do it on my own terms and in my own way so that I can stop along the way and be part of life, be part of the minute little changes taking place daily, but observing the change doesn’t make you miss the way it used to be any less.
Things have changed…the way they play, the way we spend time together…the ways I spend my time while they are at school.
But I miss it. I really do miss the precious minutes just being their all.
Can you relate? Will you describe an ah-ha moment you experienced as your kids have grown?