Accomplishments

How do you feel when one of your kids accomplishes something? Do you shout it from the mountain tops or quietly revel in pride?

Do you fear gushing about it will make them self-conscious? Or not speaking up about it will make them strive to work harder for the next goal?

Praising our children for their accomplishments can totally backfire for some children, causing them to withdraw into a cocoon, not wanting the attention, or not wanting to have to strive for the same or better next time.

Cutie Pie has been taking violin lessons since January and in the spring had his first group recital and his first solo recital. I wasn’t a nervous wreck, like some moms told me they were for their child’s first performances, rather, I was worried he would put too much pressure on himself, or expect us to be disappointed in him if he didn’t play well.

I’m happy to say he played beautifully, surprised us, in fact! I had nothing to worry about. He didn’t pull away from us, or give up practicing, he embraced our praise of him and went right back to working hard toward his goal of learning to play the violin, getting better at it.

He has had another recital since then, most recently this past Friday. Again, he did great!

As a child of a musician, I suppose maybe Cutie Pie knew what to expect each time, having watched his daddy and his daddy’s students prepare for concerts, and therefore wasn’t nervous to play in front of others.

I remember when I was a child, though. I remember the pressure I interpreted those {same} comments as being, and the fear of being unable to meet the expectations that I had imagined were set for me after they were poured over me.

As a parent I simply wish my Cutie Pie will do his best. Not his best for me or for his daddy or his teacher, but for himself.

We all want our children to succeed at their endeavors. We want to encourage them to try things they are interested in. We want to revel in them when they excel, and encourage them even more to strive for their dreams.

At the same time there is that fine line to walk, to define pressure vs. encouragement. They can be so similar, yet so different for each child.

I’ll leave you today with a challenge: Think about how you encourage your child. Is it truly encouragement, or does it flow over to pressure a little too often?